Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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