Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
