Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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