But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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