end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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