My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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