I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
