Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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