life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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