...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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