The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
