we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
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I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
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If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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