Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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