Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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