It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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