well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
