I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
