She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
