The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i love accidental penises.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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