I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
