she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
