Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.