I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.