I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.