we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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