And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
