I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
