please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
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I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
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When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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