You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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