I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
