I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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