it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
