My liver just broke up with me...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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