So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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