Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
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this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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