your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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