The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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