You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
