The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize