Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
