Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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