i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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