Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Your penis caused this!
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