im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
