you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
