the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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