I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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