Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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