I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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