You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My feet surprised me
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