pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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