He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What a dumb baby whore.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
