I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
