Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We had sex on a dog bed..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
