we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
