Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize