Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
