i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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