Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
