Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
