I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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