how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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