goodnight i made you a song goodbye
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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