Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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