she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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