My friends, they love my intelligence
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
