i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I want her autograph on my taint
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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