I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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